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Expectations

All, Navigating Life

by Tori Roalef
July 25, 2023

If you search about expectations, you will likely come across the saying: "Expectations are premeditated resentments."

The basis of this quote may be from two psychological facts: 1) expectations are not guaranteed to be fulfilled, and 2) we tend to think that fulfilling our expectations will make us happy.

So, do expectations lead to resentment and disappointment? How do we manage our expectations? When we have high expectations, how do we manage them to drive us rather than pressure us?

The Idea of the Week

Do expectations always lead to resentment? In this 9-minute video, Kati Morton shares her thoughts on this quote and the methods she uses to manage her expectations.

Recognize what your expectations are. It may be easier to look at what you expect from other people first. Ask yourself, “What annoys me? Am I getting angry and not understanding why?” Then evaluate: “Is this an expectation I didn’t know I had, or one I didn’t communicate with the other person?”
Assess your expectations. Where did your expectations emerge from? Then choose whether you want to continue to have those expectations. Let go of the expectations that no longer serve you.
Communicate your expectations. Other people can’t read your mind, so they won’t recognize what your expectations are. If we don’t communicate our expectations with them, they won’t know or won’t be able to act to meet the expectations, or share their capabilities regarding your expectations.

Do your expectations for yourself drive you? Motivate you to succeed in meeting the expectation? Or do your expectations feel heavy? Do they pressure you and feel overwhelming?

In this 16-minute TEDx Talk, Gina Jeenafu shares her experiences of having a lot of expectations that feel heavy and how she manages her high expectations so they drive her, not pressure her.

Practice of the Week

Verywell Mind outlines the Expectations vs Reality Trap (5-minute read). First, the article explores how expectations can lead to disappointments, then shares some strategies for how to manage expectations:

Become aware of your expectations. When you enter a new situation, ask yourself, “What do I expect to happen?” When you feel disappointed, evaluate your expectations. Were your expectations realistic?
Practice gratitude. Even when the unexpected happens, actively find the positives in the situation and your life.
Don’t make comparisons.
Consider what makes you happy. When we set expectations, we may overestimate how happy we’d be if we met that expectation.
Practice emotional acceptance. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment or resistance, even negative emotions.

What are your strategies for managing expectations? Share with us on our Instagram or Facebook page!