Check in With a Loved One

by Tori Roalef
July 23, 2024

Most of the time, we may operate in our own little worlds. Especially when we get busy, we just get caught up in finishing the day's tasks so we can head home to relax and get some shut-eye. As a result, we may forget to keep in touch with our loved ones. So, this is our gentle reminder to check in with our loved ones. Even one short text can go a long way.

The Idea of the Week

Starting a conversation is hard. You may fight your worries, think they may not have time, have mixed feelings, or feel awkward about starting a conversation, especially if it’s been a while.

So, first, if you need this reminder: you are not annoying for reaching out to your loved ones. In fact, you may just be underestimating how much they appreciate you reaching out (an 8-minute article). Generally, people rated their appreciation for someone reaching out to them higher than how much they think someone would appreciate them reaching out.

Studies have shown that brief interactions can boost our mood and strengthen our relationships. Even a simple conversation with a stranger carries mental health benefits. We are social creatures, after all.

As you start the conversation, here are a few gentle reminders:

If they don’t reply, they likely are not ignoring you. They are probably just busy, or they read your message at a busy time and no longer have the notification that reminds them to text back.
If they seem upset or distant, they probably are not upset with you in particular. They might be dealing with their own challenges.
You may be the one to start the conversation, but just because they didn’t message you first does not mean they do not care about you.
Your efforts matter and are appreciated.
You are loved. You are not annoying.

The Practice of the Week

Here are 11 simple and thoughtful ways to start the conversation:

“Just thinking of you.” A simple text can go a long way!
Alternatively, you can open up for more dialogue with these starters: “I’ve been thinking of you lately. What’s new?” or “Hey, how was your day? Did you end up going to that event you mentioned?”
Send them a meme they would enjoy or that made you think of them.
“Want to grab a coffee?” Ask them to go out for a chat over lunch or a drink. Visit a local diner, your favorite restaurant, or an ice cream parlor. Go for a walk down the street, sit at a picnic table, or listen to a song together.
Invite them to make dinner together (in-person or virtually), to go to an event or check out a new movie, or learn together by inviting them to a class or workshop. “Hey, I just saw this Family Constellations workshop in October that explores family dynamics and relationship difficulties. It looks helpful, and I was wondering if you would like to go with me?”
Do tasks together. “Hey, I have to grab some groceries. Do you want to go shopping together?” Plus, you may be able to carpool and save on gas!
Go old-fashioned and give them a postcard or letter. Take a picture and print it (You can print photos straight from your phone at Walmart for only a few cents!). Write a note to them, as long or as short as you want. You could write about your day, things you’ve enjoyed, what’s making you stressed, or share the news. Or, you could write as little as “Just thinking of you.” Then send it to them through the mail, drop it off at their door, or give it to them when you see them in passing.
It’s okay to be vulnerable when you reach out. Building connections is founded on authenticity. “I’ve been feeling kind of lonely lately and miss talking with you. Would it be alright to call you this evening while I’m making dinner?” or “I’ve been a bit worried to reach out lately because I know we’re both busy and I don’t want to bother you, but I care about our relationship and enjoy talking with you. How have things been with you?”
“What’s been on your mind lately?” Allowing your loved one to vent or rant in a space without judgment can open up deeper, more honest conversations.
“What’s bringing you joy right now?” Sometimes, we can close ourselves off from sharing what is making us happy. Whether it’s because we are afraid of rejection, afraid the other person will be dismissive, feeling ashamed to share our joy when others are in a stressful or difficult time, or many other reasons. However, you can start up a conversation by sharing what you have been enjoying, or ask them what they enjoy.
Share something that happened in your day: “Hey, I read this newsletter checking in, and it made me think of you. Have you come across anything interesting lately?”