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The Idea of the Week
Why did I do that? I shouldn’t have done that. That was incredibly stupid of me. I should’ve known better.
Is this self-dialogue familiar? Endlessly revisiting, dwelling, and beating yourself up over it will not change the fact that the mistake happened. We fall into the Self-Exemption Bias. We are kind to others, but somehow we are exempt from this kindness.
Reflect on this: What purpose does beating yourself up serve? What do you hope to achieve by beating yourself up?
Now consider this: would you say this to a friend? How would it feel if someone said this to you? Likely, you would not be as harsh and critical with your friends as you are to yourself. Nor would it feel good if someone said this to you, whether it was a friend, family member, employer, or stranger. You may even become defensive and are not likely to take their words seriously.
So why do you deserve this attack from yourself?
As we move onto the practice, keep these 4 points about mistakes in mind:
- Every day, everyone makes mistakes
- Most mistakes are common and correctable
- Most errors are met with understanding by others, even the frustrating ones.
- Mistakes have value. We can learn from them
Taken from this Psychology Today article.
The Practice of the Week
The article from Psychology Today shares 3 Steps to Adopt Compassionate Responsibility when you’ve made a mistake.
Step 1: Recognize and Accept the Mistake
The mistake happened, and we cannot change the past. We can, however, change how we respond to the mistake at this moment. We can change what we do next time in a similar situation.
Step 2: Show Yourself Compassion.
In this 8-minute video, Emma McAdam from Therapy in a Nutshell shares an exercise to practice self-compassion. If your friend made the mistake, how would you respond? Emma suggests approaching yourself as you would a friend. Write a letter to yourself as though you are supporting a friend.
Step 3: Learn from Your Mistakes
Reflect on the moment. What was in your control? What was not in your control? Is there a way to take control of that in the future? How can you respond differently? What would you do differently? What did your mistake teach you? What can you learn from this?
As you reflect, lean in with curiosity and compassion. Remember, we can’t change what happened. It happened. We made a mistake, and we move onward with its lessons.
Take notice of “shoulds” or negative self-talk, and be careful of beating yourself up over the fact that you are beating yourself up, e.g., I just said should. I’m awful at this, and I can’t do anything right. I shouldn’t beat myself up over this. I’m terrible at this.
If you notice yourself spiraling, pause. Breathe. Use this moment to reset, Breathe in, breathe out. Okay, I was spiraling and using a lot of shoulds. This approach is new to me, and I am learning. That will happen. So let’s try this again.
It’s okay if you make a mistake while addressing your mistakes. Mistakes are natural, and this is a new skill. This is all part of the learning process.
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The Thought of the Week
Wishing you a peaceful week!
